Take Your Emotions to Work

The ability to pick up on subtle cues can give women the edge in business.
by Susan David, emotions expert and business psychologist

Women have a unique ability: We are innately able to tune in to other people’s emotions. You can see evidence of this at home and at work. Before children are old enough to use words, mothers often know what they need long before fathers do. In business meetings, women are
often the first to see through false confidence because they pick up on the facial and physical cues of anxiety before men do.

Charles Darwin argued emotions evolved because they help us to communicate with ourselves and with each other. Darwin understood that comprehending emotions is a useful skill. But emotions aren’t always valued in the workplace. In fact, the traditional view is that emotions are fluffy, irrational, illogical and disorganized.

You’ve heard people ask, “Did you make that decision with your head or your heart?” In reality, the two are impossible to separate. Every decision people make is affected by their feelings. And that’s a good thing.

Different Moods for Different Tasks
Research on emotions indicates different moods are helpful for accomplishing different tasks. For example, relaxed happy moods are good for creative thinking.

So, during a brainstorming session, you want your clients or co-workers to feel positive emotions. But, when you’re looking for mistakes—for example, editing a letter, planning a project or checking a bill—then it’s actually better to feel negative emotions. You’ve probably noticed this: When you’re happy, you’re more creative, but you’re also more likely to make mistakes.

When you’re sad, you see mistakes easily, but you’re also much less likely to come up with creative solutions to difficult problems. This is the reason good ideas so commonly come to us when we’re exercising or taking time out. We’re relaxed—and the relaxation helps the brain generate new ideas.

So forget the notion that all emotions are disruptive and illogical and should be removed from the decision-making process. A good decision is not devoid of emotion. Good decisions are made when people’s emotions are understood and valued.

In the same way, the most successful businesses are not the ones asking their clients or employees to leave their emotions at the door. Instead, successful business leaders value people’s emotions and find ways to use them effectively.

When industries undergo change, the companies that survive and thrive are the ones with the ability to effectively address their employees’ and clients’ emotions. When an organization doesn’t effectively deal with those emotions, its work force or customer base becomes disengaged.

With the increased emphasis on emotional skills in the marketplace, women have an advantage because they are often the ones to pick up on subtle cues or recognize
emotions others may try to deny or avoid.

To hone your emotional skills, understand how emotions work. Be open to the data—the pieces of information—your emotions give you. Ask yourself how you are feeling and how other people are feeling. Seek out the emotions in any given situation. When you actively register your
own and other people’s emotions, you can respond appropriately and effectively.

Going Through the Emotions
Once you go to these emotions, prepare to go through these emotions.

Women sometimes get stuck in emotions, spending so much time thinking about them that it affects their ability to take action. Don’t dwell on feelings. Instead, ask yourself, What do I need to do about this? and What’s really important? Remember to focus on both the short term benefit and the long-term outcome.

Quite often, short-term solutions may make you feel better, but actually create long-term problems. For example, expressing anger in a relationship or to an underperforming team member might be a good short-term solution, but if the long-term consequences aren’t carefully considered, irreversible damage may be done. Once you’ve taken action, move on to the next challenge. And then celebrate your ability as a woman to understand and process the emotional cues in your home and your workplace.

Additional Reading

• The Secret to Success—Anytime, Anywhere
• It Pays to Shop Around
• Manage Your Mind to Manage Your Weight