How to Stay Up When…

Long-term care can be tough. Your attitude, perspective and a little planning can make a big difference.

As a child, you couldn’t imagine your parents ever needing help. Your dad had superman strength. Your mom’s knack for seeing what’s going on (even when she wasn’t in the room) bordered on magical. But as time passes and age or disease takes hold, the roles reverse—children become the caregivers. Not only is it an emotional shock, it’s physically draining as well.

Many of our SUCCESS for Women readers are part of the “sandwich generation.” You still have children or teens at home, your career is in overdrive, and now your parents need your help. One of my dear friends, Joelle Yates, has been in this topsy-turvy boat for 12 years—and she’s only 37. She’s a mom, wife, successful business owner and a daughter who has cared for her parents for a number of years—all while keeping her positive outlook on life intact. In fact, she’ll tell you that it’s her attitude that keeps her sane—and keeps her family together.

Why It’s Important to Stay Up When You’re a Long-Term Caregiver
You’ve heard the adage, if momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy. It’s true. Women are the emotional force in the home. You’re not the only one who suffers when you’re physically and emotionally worn out—your attitude affects everyone in your household.

Beyond that, stress is hard on your body. And while maintaining a positive outlook doesn’t necessarily make stress disappear, it can lessen the toll it takes on you.

How to Stay Up When You’re a Long-Term Caregiver
Remember: Even though you can’t control the disease or dementia that led to this situation, you still have ultimate control over your attitude and the way you respond. There’s no getting around the fact that, even with an “up” attitude, some days are going to be difficult no matter what you do. But by choosing to focus on what you can do, you and your family will be happier and less stressed. Here are some suggestions to consider:

• Get out of crisis mode. “You have to realize it could be for the long-term and stop treating it like a temporary crisis,” Yates says. This shift in perspective allows you to create your new “normal” way of life and frees you to put systems in place.
• Network. Talk with people you know who are in the same boat. “Talking to a lot of people—but not in a negative way—really helped,” Yates says. Tapping friends and acquaintances for advice can help you get connected with resources and support groups, find better doctors and learn more about Medicare and insurance options.
• Get help, guilt-free. Resentment can seep in when you neglect yourself, your family or your career to care for your parents. Avoid that feeling by getting the help you need. This goes back to putting systems in place that work for your specific situation. Some women feel guilty about not being able to do it all, but really, it’s OK to get help!
• Find livable living arrangements. Traveling every weekend or “on demand” is rough on the caregiver and her family. The time may come that it makes more sense to find a first-level apartment or assisted living center for mom and dad in your town.
• Little services can make a big difference. Meals on Wheels wasn’t a good option for Yates’ parents, so she paid a young woman from their church to prepare a little extra of whatever she was making for her family and take it to them. This simple solution was a major time-saver.
• Check into in-home care and services. Today, there are a variety options you can employ to suit your family’s needs. Maybe an in-home healthcare provider is right for your situation, or maybe hiring a person to come in and visit with mom for a few hours each week while doing the laundry and other household chores is a better fit. Determine what you don’t have the time, energy or skill to do—and hire someone to help.
• Care for yourself. Taking time for yourself should be at the top of your to-do list. It’s difficult to care for others if you’re running on fumes. Recognize when you need a break and take some time off. With your systems in place, taking a breather will be easier.

Getting the assistance you need, tapping into available resources and putting the situation in perspective will help you find the solutions that work for you and your family.

Additional resources:
Check out the 10 Commandments for Caregivers at Leeza’s Place

Stress-Busting Tips from Dr. Oz

Additional Reading

• Tap into Social Media
• How to stay up when life isn’t going as planned.
• Planning for Success